Monday, March 28, 2011

Once Was Lost...

There is something to be said about stopping ever now and then and looking back to see from where you are coming.   I think that, perhaps, if I did this more frequently I would see that I was veering off track before I ended up hopelessly lost.

Right now I find that I am backtracking a bit, following my footsteps while they are still fresh to see if I can find may way again because, FUCK, somewhere I definitely got off track.

Great, now I have that Robert Frost poem threading through my brain, and yet that is not what I mean at all.  I am not talking about conscious decisions to take a certain road, or blazing new trails, or being all kinds of adventuresome.

I am talking about becoming so intent on the destination that you lose your footing, you stumble, and by the time you pick yourself up you find that you are not all all where you thought you were...and you become paralyzed by the sense of panic that swells up as you realize that You Are Lost.

Perhaps even worse, however, is when you misstep and take a fall, only to pick yourself up and catch a glimpse of yourself--just for a moment--in the faces of those around you, only to realize that you no longer recognize yourself and what you have become.

I still recognize myself.  There are a few more lines there that reflect this journey, and my eyes are a bit darker than I remember them, but I do still recognize myself.  I am relieved.

I must stop more, look around, and watch my step.  Perhaps sit down a bit, and let it all soak in before moving on.

I was lucky this time.


firespark said...

I love this post. You're absolutely right... reassessing your current "location" is essential from time to time. But... what if you feel like your life has been one long reassessment? :} One foot in front of the other, firespark... keep walkin'.

GingerGirl said...

When I feel like that, it normally means that I am trying to "analyze" my life and my actions. In my mind at least, there is a difference...when I am reflecting on where I am, where I have been, and where I am going, it is like studying a map to see where I got off track and to correct my path accordingly. But when I analyze, I get wrapped up in the minutia of "how" did it happen and "when" and did someone else push me off path? All of the questions can be a detraction, at least for me.

When I simply check my inner compass, I can make adjustments without over-analyzing them.

"You want to write, Terri? Then freakin' write. Don't bemoan how there is no time, no special spot, no reverent silence to greet your efforts. Just Write."

I find that I use more energy than necessary analyzing. Instead, I vow to adjust and move least that is my goal.

So if you see me veering off course, feel free to nudge me back on track.

Sarah Franz-Wichlacz said...

ahhhh... balance. that's the key, and yet somehow it remains elusive to most of us...

GingerGirl said...

Sarah, if you do ever get that figured out, you could make some good money there!